A little story about self acceptance…

It took me a long time, and many years of limiting and controlling what I ate, to realise that I had a pretty fast metabolism in childhood and all the way into my early 40s. I didn’t need to worry about how much I ate, but it did help that I hardly ever eat cheese, no cows’ milk, and only like dark chocolate. Plus I’m not that keen on cake. It also helped hugely that I’ve practiced and taught qi gong, acupressure, and meditation for over half my life. 

Fast forward to about a year ago, and I was closing a café I’d had for a couple of years, mostly because it had got in the way of maintaining my main passions of teaching self healing and creating. Another reason was that I’d developed a very painful frozen shoulder after a rotator cuff injury from overdoing things.

My previously slim and bat-wing free arms became squidgy and puffy because I wasn’t able to exercise (or move the injured arm) for so long.

Then, despite being cold-free for the whole time I was around other people in the café, a month after I closed I went on to have two bouts of flu and chest infections. I had to rest for long stretches of time, and at the same time was edging towards perimenopause. My body shape was changing before my eyes. 

Eating disorders never really leave you, however hard you fight to overcome the destructive, negative self-talk. When I realised that it really wasn’t body dysmorphia rearing it’s ugly head again and I did actually have a belly for the first time since the puppy fat of my early childhood, I felt a sense of panic and despair that I haven’t felt since my early 20s.

For years I’ve been noticing the signs in other people (mostly women), and have been grateful that I felt I’d overcome these horrible, limiting feelings long ago. I’ve always known that beauty has nothing to do with body size and shape, and have tried to tell other people they have nothing to be insecure about lots of time. I’ve also known from experience that it doesn’t matter what I say, the feelings are so deeply entrenched, and only the individual can work on overcoming them.

My mum and nan both struggled with eating and body image, and I’ve spent a lot of my life learning to break this cycle and making sure I enjoy food and focus on being healthy instead of limiting myself in any way. It is exhausting living with an eating disorder, and denying yourself from fully living because of some warped fear that you are ‘not thin enough’… Thin enough for what though?

If we feel incomplete in ourselves, these hang ups affect people around us. If we’re fixated on how we look and are constantly giving ourselves a hard time for eating something we enjoy, we’re perpetuating a myth that we can only feel complete and happy if we change our appearance. It’s hard enough for our children who are bombarded a lot more than we were with false images and ideas about the perfect body. We have to show our impressionable children that all that matters is to feel comfortable in your own skin.

The only way to get beyond (or try to) a life wasted on desperately trying to stay thin, and punishing yourself for eating something ‘naughty’, is to accept yourself as you are. There are billion dollar industries trying to sell you the idea that you need to change yourself and you’re not good enough. Don’t buy it! I refuse to look at myself negatively and hate myself because in reality I have a very normal body. Every body is normal.

I can look in the mirror and put the stupid negative thoughts out of my head quickly; it’s so much more important to be comfortable than to tense your stomach muscles and block your digestion and energy flow. I try to find things to love about myself – my boobs are a bit bigger! Woohoo! I’m still just as flexible and strong. I’m still me.

Feeling happier, healthier, and more relaxed is my mantra when I’m helping people to heal themselves. That means first accepting myself fully so I’m not creating any barriers to this within me, so that I can demonstrate the huge benefits to other people. It means focusing on my mental wellbeing as well as physical – practicing therapeutic and mindful exercises and meditations to improve my energy and ground my nervous system. It empowers me to trust that I can keep myself energetically and emotionally healthy without damaging my body.

I’m absolutely not saying I have it all figured out (nobody does, and absolutely everyone has insecurities). It took me 4 attempts to record myself for the images above before I felt comfortable with how I look.

If I’m not being authentic and open, it just feels wrong. I’m not the slightest bit interested in ‘building a brand’ 🤢 but I want to show as many people as possible that there are literally hundreds of simple, straightforward ways to improve your happiness, health and relaxation. This has been my passion for many years.

I just want to let people who might be struggling know that there is another way to live. Life can be easier and you deserve it. You can’t punish yourself happier, healthier and more relaxed.

If you’re neurodivergent,

• I find qi gong and guided meditation practices very helpful in relaxing my nervous system and helping me feel more in control,
• There are literally hundreds of different mindful practices to choose from,
• Rhythmic, repetitive movements relax the nervous system and help proprioception and interoception,
• Being gentle with yourself is key, give yourself time to heal.

Get in touch via the link below if you have any questions or would like support in gentle self care