When I talk about calming the chaos and simplifying life, what I don’t mean is having nothing to do and a completely empty mind. What I’m talking about is identifying and letting go of the more unhelpful and unhealthy clutter that we fill our lives with. It’s an opportunity to reboot your system and give yourself an upgrade! I also don’t mean to say that this is a change that happens in an instant. It’s a slow, steady acknowledgement that there are simple ways to make your life easier.
My life has never been simple, and it certainly isn’t now. I have three main areas of work that I’m passionate about and so absolutely can’t see my life without any one of them. I have two autistic/ADHD sons who are in their GCSE and A-Level years respectively, I’m peri-menopausal, my wider family is going through a lot of stress, and over the past 12 years, all my grandparents, two uncles and an aunt, and my mum, have died. That’s all on top of the world being in crisis and whatever gets thrown up in everyday life. So the calm I’m talking about is inside, it’s being able to deal with anything despite the inevitable chaos of life.
To be honest, I can struggle with ordering my thoughts and feeling clear about exactly what I want to express. I find it much easier to do this in writing, but still find it hard to structure text. Beginning, middle, and end just isn’t something I remember, and often doesn’t occur to me until it’s pointed out. I think that’s part of the reason why I write so many posts that seem (to me) not to follow or say everything I want people to know about how I can help with relaxation, pain management, motivation, etc. I just have so much stuff I can practically show people, and have a real passion for, but I feel like I’m still learning to get it across succinctly.
So, why am I sharing this? With all this inner knowledge, it took me years to consider that the chaos in my mind and my feelings of not fitting in might be down to the fact that I am neurodivergent. Once I started mindful meditation, movement and massage training 24ish years ago, I learned how to manage my naturally fiery personality, stopped reacting to my anxieties, and generally felt much more peaceful. Them when my sons were growing up and I was sharing revelation after revelation with my mum about their various difficulties, and she recognised herself in how they were feeling and experiencing the world, it took me a while to realise that my younger son’s anxieties and frustrations mirrored my own childhood. My younger son has an autistic profile known as Pathological Demand Avoidance (or ‘pervasive desire for autonomy’). Like him, I’ve always felt like most questions or comments from others are demands that make me feel pressured and anxious. Even now I’ve been practicing mindful techniques for so long and am fully aware of what’s going on, I still have to (try to) catch myself before I react ‘crossly’ or ‘rudely’. I’ve worked for myself for more than half my life, and still feel much more comfortable if I have control over most aspects of my life, but again in full awareness of what’s going on in my head and without the unhealthy anxiety about it. When I ran a café, having never done so before, I learned on the job, and didn’t outsource anything except trusted kitchen staff because I hated the pressure of people coming in and constantly demanding food. Ridiculous! No regrets though, it all taught me so much about what I can handle, but I quickly realised it was too much and getting in the way of being able to follow my real passions. I’ve always thrived on change and newness – as long as I’m in charge of or have a keen interest in something. And I am interested in a lot of things! However, I can get bored with and ‘over’ things fairly quickly too, and want to move on to the next interesting or shiny thing. My closest friends tend to be people who are autistic or have ADHD; we get and accept each other. My husband is (undiagnosed) autistic too, and both my sons have an autism diagnosis.
There’s a lot more I could go into, but I’ll save it for one of the books I’m writing. The point I want to share is that my life has never been easy or stress free, but it became considerably easier when I started learning how to direct my thoughts in a more helpful and healthy direction. I got to a point in my early 20s where I needed to change the way I was living and thinking for my own sanity, and it was the only way I’ve been able to fully accept myself and be more helpful to the people I love. I’m grateful and proud that my sons have had such a stable and happy home life, because I often didn’t. But the reason I was able to help provide that – by choosing a kind and steady partner, working on my own issues and triggers so I didn’t make them responsible for my happiness, being fully present and seeing when they’re struggling and need support – is because I rewrote the learned ways of thinking and being that don’t help my wellbeing. There’s always going to be stuff that I’m still working on and making sense of about myself, because human beings are complicated! No-one has it all worked out, the trick is to realise that everyone’s nervous system is just a trigger away from being thrown out of balance, and we’re all trying our best with the amount of ease we currently have. When we work on restoring balance to our own nervous system and ways of thinking, our improved happiness, health, and relaxation is beneficial to everyone else too. Instead of projecting and escalating difficulties, our steady energy inspires calm.
The first thing, and probably the hardest, is to try not to be so hard on yourself. It’s easy to look around and believe everyone else has life worked out, or is better off than you. But EVERYONE has insecurities and things they don’t like about themselves and their lives. It does not matter what anyone else thinks, what their body looks like, or what they have in comparison to you. The only thing that matters is that you know what is right for you and that you accept yourself as you are. Start from where you are, accept that you are you and embrace all that means. Give yourself permission to rest and just be. Take breaks when you need to, appreciate your body and mind for everything they are capable of, and let yourself live with ease.
There are lots of simple, straightforward ways to become more motivated, relaxed, and so on. It might be surprising how quickly you feel positive changes as you take small and gentle steps towards what you want to achieve.
To find out how I can help you calm the chaos, follow my Facebook and Instagram pages (links below), or send me a message via the form below.
Small group and private classes include:
- Authentic Mindfulness,
- Improve Focus and Productivity
- Introduction to Sound Healing
- Golden Child Qi Gong
- Mindful Movement for Women’s Wellbeing
- Introduction to Chinese Massage
- Guided meditation
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