The point of understanding our worth and discovering our power isn’t to make ourselves feel better than other people or to gain a sense of superiority or being more powerful. The point is to realise that when we don’t sort out our issues, or let go of our negative views of ourself and our fears and insecurities, we perpetuate the unhealthy cycles that have been passed down to us. It has nothing to do with superiority, in fact the whole point is the opposite. It’s about connection and compassion. We heal because we know how it feels when someone else’s unhealed trauma turns into toxic choices and unhealthy behaviour, and we don’t want to continue that pattern.
There’s no denying mental health and other services in many developed countries like the UK are broken. It’s been this way for many, many years because of a lack of understanding and forethought about how much it benefits everyone if people who are struggling are given adequate and appropriate care. Anyone who has children who have needed additional support because of their differences or disabilities will have experienced long waits for appointments, and that’s once the battle to be listened to in the first place has been won. I just cancelled my son’s Mental Health Service assessment appointment, and because their policy is to close referrals after 3 months of them receiving the referral, and they received the referral a year ago, if he needs support again it will have to be a new referral and another long wait! I couldn’t help telling the nice, apologetic referrals coordinator on the phone what a terrible system it is. She could only apologise and say honestly that they were losing a lot of staff. What a broken system that is meant to be supporting our most vulnerable children and adolescents.
If he is in need of support like he was 18 months ago, at least I know I’m equipped with the compassion and understanding he needs. With my husband’s help, we’ve manage to get him and our older son through many difficult times without much external support. This was the second time I’ve bothered to try to get a referral to the mental health services (the first was five years ago, and there was no chance of an appointment then until way after it would have been useful). As we all know, children often don’t listen to their parents as much as they’ll listen to someone else, someone who is in a position of authority, one of these elusive ‘professionals’. It’s taken a lot of heartache, patience and strength to be counsellor, therapist, mentor and mum for my sons as we are often expected to do to fill in the gaps in the system. They are fortunate that I started twenty five years ago to work on and transform my own issues that had developed from my own childhood.
I learned when I was young how much unhealed trauma and anxiety can affect everyone around you. It affected me and my brother a lot. I’m over blaming anyone else for them not knowing how or being able to do things differently. I know that all anyone is ever doing is the best they can with the understanding and tools they have. It dawned on me at a young age that no-one really knows what on earth they’re doing, we’re all just making it up. This lead me to realise that it was down to me to help myself feel better, happier, less anxious and unhealthy. It took me a bit longer to understand that nobody can change or heal anyone else, it only comes from the inside. Transformations are internal and the effects then radiate out.
It starts with building a sense of inner safety. As we know with children, resilience can’t grow when you don’t feel safe and understood. Building that safety inside is what helped me. Noticing how my thoughts shaped my anxiety, I consciously started to change the way I was thinking. Instead of being constantly scared and thinking that the worst might happen, I started to allow myself to just ‘see how things go’. Eventually, I began to imagine how it would be if things actually worked out well. These were all life-changing tweaks to my thought patterns. Once I discovered Buddhism and how the teachings support people to transform negative and unhelpful thoughts and behaviours, I knew I was on the right path.
After many years of trauma and struggle as I supported my sons through misunderstandings and lack of support in mainstream school, I wrote a book to help other parents and families experiencing similar problems. It’s ultimately about hope and how finding a school that ‘gets it’ makes all the difference. There’s a tonne of mental health and wellbeing support in there too.
Improving your health and wellbeing isn’t selfish, neither is it punishment. It’s not about making yourself exercise in a way you hate and limiting your food intake because you’ve been ‘naughty’. Being hard and inflexible with yourself signals to your brain and body that something is wrong and you are unsafe. Your nervous system stores everything you think about yourself. Let yourself know it’s okay that you’re imperfect. Tell yourself that you are safe. Who cares if that feels weird. Who’s judging you!?
Self care is an act of love. It’s our compassionate gift to the world. I wish my mum had started to believe me earlier in life, and not when she was terminally ill. Learn your power sooner rather than later. Know that it’s up to you how you show up in the world. Yes, healing is difficult and can be messy. But so is staying stuck and knowing if you’d started a year ago things could be so different now. Imagine how you’ll feel even a week from now if you start making those conscious tweaks that let you know your worth.
Take a step towards understanding your power today. Join me for Zen Fundamentals, where I’ll show you the real meaning of ‘Letting Go’. Three weeks of support online to go from anxious and overwhelmed to discovering your inner bliss and tranquility. I’ll cover subjects like ‘Perfect Posture for Igniting your Power’, and “The Peace we Seek isn’t in a Podcast’ as well as Yogic breathing, active meditations and mindful movements.
Or, you have the option of a full day of creativity, connections and calm in my Elemental Art Flow retreat, where myself and my good friend Paula will take you through a packed – but never rushed – schedule of unloading limiting beliefs, rediscovering your inner creative child, and calming your nervous system. It’s all about living creatively and making without constraints.
https://sites.google.com/view/elementalartflow/home
If you would like to know more about how I can support you, feel free to follow any of these links or get in touch. Have a wonderful day.
Restore Balance 
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