Our view of ourselves determines the choices we make. If we don’t feel worthy of love, happiness or care, we find it harder to make positive and healthy choices. There are lots of reasons we feel insecure, like holding onto comments people made that hurt us in the past, overthinking mistakes, thinking the abusive way someone treated you was your fault and what you deserve, and a myriad of other reasons. It’s a very human thing to focus on the limiting negatives from our past rather than the realities of our present and the positive potential of our future, especially here in the West. However, this way of living clouds our judgement, and is fortunately not the only way to be in the world. More and more people are listening to ancient wisdom of teachings which promote compassion and kindness towards ourselves as well as others. When we accept that deep down we are all the same as every other human, just trying to be happy but maybe not always getting things right, it can make us feel lighter. Less pressure to be perfect, more energy and space to breathe and live in a loving way. When we live according to our negative self views we lose sight of our calm and loving inner self, the part of us that is always there under all the clutter. Our reactions to others can then come from a place of fear, jealousy and judgement. We may assume people are out to get us because we don’t trust that someone would actually like us and our choices then become less loving and more manipulative.
Looking after yourself means caring for your whole being, your long term health and happiness. By looking after ourselves we’re fundamentally looking after everyone else too. Self acceptance leads to understanding and acceptance of others’ insecurities, needs and equal desire for happiness. If we have a negative self view we’re more likely to make choices that might make us feel better quickly, but ultimately damage our self-esteem and wellbeing, and possibly that of other people. Self-acceptance means authentically knowing ourselves, which can be hard when we’re insecure and dislike parts of who we. So, how do we get over this hurdle and live in a more loving way towards ourselves, and as a result towards others? Speaking from experience, it’s a slow process. It began for me from making a choice that I wanted to be happy, simple as that. This led to noticing and accepting my mistakes more, the excessive drinking, the eating disorders, the overthinking about things that had either already happened or might never happen. I started to notice that feeling genuine love for others stopped me focussing on my negative self views. I accepted that yes I have lots of flaws, but I am also full of love, compassion and that is what really matters. Living through our insecurities detaches us from our own happiness and can perpetuate learned behaviours passed down through families and taught by media influences.
I’m writing this on International Women’s Day, a day where we celebrate 50.8% of the population and acknowledge all that is wonderful about female strength. That power comes from genuine compassion, understanding for all and openly giving love. We all have the feminine aspects within us (males and females), and this should be celebrated.
Find more self-healing tips, techniques and exercises on my Facebook and Instagram pages. Online classes in qigong, meditation and tuina/acupressure massage available on Facebook and via Zoom. Send me a message to find out more.
Ruth Beech - Mindful Movement, Meditation and Art 